Ode to the women who are wondering if it was ok  

Let me start by saying I’ve neverbeen raped.  I cannot even begin to imagine the trauma associated with this crime.  
On a side note, please don’t make fun of people with serious, diagnosable disorders.  Also, do not EVER try to diagnose yourself. I don’t care if you’re a certified psychologist/ psychiatrist. You cannot be completely objective when psychoanalyzing yourself. It’s not possible.
I just want to say that if you are a survivor of rape or any kind of sexual assault, please do not blame yourself. Victim blaming is not acceptable. A woman being drunk is NOT ASKING to be raped. A woman being drugged is NOT ASKING to be raped. Women never ask to be raped. That’s the point.
You could tell a counselor or a trusted friend/ family member what happened to you if you don’t feel comfortable going to the law immediately. RAINN states an estimated 2/3 of rapes go unreported; don’t be a part of that terrible statistic. Sexual assault comes in many shapes and sizes. All of them are entirely ugly.
Resources for rape survivors: https://www.rainn.org/national-resources-sexual-assault-survivors-and-their-loved-ones




Hotline:  877-995-5247

Support groups: https://www.woar.org/counseling-and-support/

Books:  http://www.pandys.org/recommendedreading.html
I would think a support group would be helpful if you’re going through this or have been through it in the past. They have been clinically proven to work with alcoholics and veterans with PTSD. It might work for you, too.
If you’re a woman reading this, please don’t allow yourself to be silenced by the pressures of society, friends, or family. Don’t be a part of the silent 2/3. One woman raped, kidnapped, of sold into sex-trafficking is one woman too many.
Guys reading this:  don’t do it. It’s never ok, plain and simple. It’s never even questionably morally right. A woman never asks to be raped. NO means No means no. If you see a woman being drugged or taken advantage of in a drunken state, stop it immediately. If you watch it happen and do nothing, you’re partially guilty by association.  Failing to take action in a situation with which you could help is called the bystander effect. You think, “oh, somebody else will stop it.” Well, that’s how a young woman named Kitty Genovese was murdered in 1964.  Ms. Genovese was stalked, raped, and murdered one night in the streets of NYC while neighbors watched or listened to screaming from above.  No one called 911 that night when the mugging turned to cold-blooded murder.  They all expected someone else to act, and a woman died because of it.

Sometimes lives are ended by rape even when the girl survives. Suicide rates skyrocket in women who have been sexually assaulted as compared to those who have not. Don’t let this happen to you. Do everything you can to protect yourselves, ladies. Stay safe, avoid the drinks handed to you at fraternity parties {no not all frat guys are bad, but it’s better to be safe than sorry}, carry pepper spray, and scream bloody murder if anything starts to happen. It seems like common sense advice, but as Voltaire said, “The thing about common sense is that it isn’t all that common.”
Men, it’s never ok. I cannot emphasize that enough. I don’t care what your friends say, I don’t care what the girl who is so drunk she can barely stand says, it’s not ok. Don’t think “she wouldn’t have put herself in this situation if she didn’t want sex.”  That’s rarely true. Get consent. A girl has so much leverage in the court systems in this day in age with rape cases. If you do not have express consent, you’re taking a huge risk that could potentially destroy your future. Rape is never a question, and it’s never the answer. It’s a morally bankrupt thing to do in every way. Plain and simple, rape is never right; EVER.

“I just want to sleep. A coma would be nice. Or amnesia. Anything, just to get rid of this, these thoughts, whispers in my mind. Did he rape my head, too?”

-Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, thank you so much, there’s one more link I didn’t write. It’s equally if not MORE important. More important, I would verify the info first, but it’s a donation site. For survivor women. They are NOT victims, it’s so much better to tell them and for them to tell themselves they are survivors. It’s a connotation and it makes a world of difference.


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